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The conflict I had here was that in many cases I did want to have sex with these guys but I stopped myself from going all the way because I also had the hots for girls and didn’t want to become addicted to sex with men. It sounds a bit daft now as I enjoy sex with both men and women but in those days it wasn’t clear in my own mind that I was bi-sexual. I thought I would have to decide on one path or the other and it was a choice I would be forced to make one day. The clothes that my friends and I wore to tease and attract men also attracted me. I get excited looking at attractive women in short skirts and dresses, tight jeans and skimpy tops with their boobs bursting out. Women can have such enticing and inviting eyes and lips I long to kiss. My first sexual experience was with an older girl so I had licked and tasted pussy long before I had ever had a cock in my mouth. I remember flicking through a lingerie catalogue when I was younger and thinking I’m supposed to be looking at. She had beautiful bare legs and very high heels, and her medium-sized breasts jiggled against the fabric, with the nipples clearly discernible. She asked me what I was doing in Italy. We talked. She had been a student but now worked in an office. She touched my arm often as we talked. Franca asked if I would dance with her, but I declined, saying I really was not good at that. “Take me home, then,” she said. I didn’t know if she meant to her place or mine, but I was suddenly petrified. This would be real trouble. I’ve always been monogamous. Even when I’ve been tempted and attracted to someone, I know that I’m such a bad liar that I couldn’t keep it secret from Kate, my wife. So I’ve never given in. Or I hadn’t until that summer. “I know you’re married, and that’s OK with me,” she said. “I like married men. They’re the best.” Franca took my arm, and magically, as if hypnotized, I walked out of the bar with her. The silence of the street added to the dream-like feeling as we went.
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